Cry! please

I got a call this morning that one of my husband's dear aunts has passed away.  Immediately we got online and started looking at flights 'home' and working out the schedule.  It also got me to thinking about funerals.  Funerals are such an odd mixture of happy and sad.  Sadly, it seems to be the best way to pull together family who are far apart, which is happy because you get to reconnect with loved ones you wouldn't otherwise see.  It's an odd cycle.

In the spirit of that oddness I'm looking forward to this funeral.  Partly for seeing family gathered but also because I suspect this funeral will be done well.  You probably think that's a strange thing to think, after all a funeral is a funeral.  But over the past few years I have learned something about funerals.  My favorite funeral ever was several years ago for my husband's grandmother.  Instead of a long, dry sermon given by a pastor that only the deceased knew, the family shared.  They shared a wonderful, personal, heartfelt memorial of a beautiful, godly lady.  They sang songs that really meant something to them as a family. And we cried.  Afterward, listening to eleven siblings as they as sat around the kitchen table in the old farmhouse they  grew up in telling stories of their mom... happy and sad stories, laughter and tears.  It was so healthy!

A couple of years ago I attended another funeral, also for a wonderful, godly woman, but it was the strangest, most surreal few hours I've ever spent... at least at a funeral.  It was impersonal.  A pastor gave as boring, dull sermon as I have ever heard.  (I know, some of you are saying 'is there any other kind'? and others are thinking that's not possible, depends on your experience.  Trust me, this was dull.)  One lady who appeared to have only met the deceased briefly spent most of the service reading a list of missionary names, many of which she couldn't pronounce, who we were then supposed to pray for.  I'm all for praying for missionaries, but this was just a list of names, poorly pronounced.  The whole service was weird.  It wasn't until the last few words were said next to the grave that it dawned on me what was happening here.  One of the nameless pastors read 'one more verse that *the deceased* wanted read'...  and I realized, she had written a script for her funeral.

I've heard many people say over the years 'Don't cry for me at my funeral.'  And I'm sure that is what this lady was thinking.  There's no reason to shed tears for her, she's in a better place.  But tears shed at a funeral aren't for the deceased, they are for the living.  Sharing memories, laughter AND tears is a part of the grieving process.  In writing out her funeral service in an impersonal, dull and very boring way she did prevent tears.  There wasn't a wet eye in the place.  Afterwards we went to a cold, ugly, impersonal fellowship hall with the family to have dinner.  We chatted about small talk, but no one talked about her.  No one shared memories.  No one laughed.  No one cried.  It was so unhealthy!

At my funeral please, feel free to cry! laugh! Tell funny stories, silly stories, make fun of me, I don't care.  I won't be there.  And I'm not coming back, so say whatever you need to.  A funeral is for those still stuck on this earth.  Say your peace in whatever way you need to... and move on.

The funeral we will be heading to this week will be for one of those eleven siblings.  Brings tears to my eyes just to think of losing such a beautiful life.  I don't think I ever saw her without a smile.  But I am looking forward to the funeral because I know it will be a celebration.

And it will be okay to cry.

dreaming

When I see this I start thinking...

about this...

and this...

and this...

but alas, it will have to wait until a little more of this is gone.

Meanwhile, I'm making plans.

Lists

As I sat here thinking about writing, my tea got cold.  Tea is one of the things on my list, but I never actually drink a full cup because I forget about it and it gets cold.  But for some reason I think it would be a good thing to drink a cup of tea each day.  I think there is something about drinking tea that says you've taken the time to sit still for a few minutes.  There was a time when that would have only been a fantasy.  A time when my house was anything but calm and restful.  But toddlers grow up.  

Lists!  One of my favorite things.  I started making a list of how I could use this blog and got distracted thinking about how much I love lists.  Putting words down on paper helps me to clear out clutter in my brain and sort out the useful and useless.  My lists often turn into charts that turn into drawings and sketches as the ideas develop and take on a life of their own.  


Back in the days of toddlers I made one of my favorite lists.  It was really an outlet for venting.  I was a geographic single mom... Marine Corps wife with two preschoolers at home living on an island thousands of miles away from family.  I was feeling the pressure from all sides.  Truly in that situation all that can be done are the essentials.  Keeping two active little ones alive, safe and fed AND not loose your mind while your husband is overseas doing who knows what (I did not want to know) is all the time there is in a day.  At the same time though there are the pressures from all around...  you've got to exercise, spend time on yourself, read a book, plan good healthy meals, keep a clean house, know your neighbors...  And there is pressure from all the 'perfect' Christian ladies at church...  have a quiet time every morning (What exactly is 'quiet'?), memorize scriptures, be involved in Bible Study, meditate, spend time in prayer....  


I think I lost it when my dentist said  "You have to floss every day."  I walked out of his office thinking he's got to be kidding.  If I hear one more thing that has to be done every day I'm going to lose it.  I sat down and started a list of all the things that were expected of me.  Without a pause I came up with a list of 200 things.  I decided I would floss later.  The list helped.


I've got some changes coming up soon that will make the next year a little different for me. (I think) I'm believe this blog may be a good way for me to make a list of what needs to happen this year, keep myself on track, to sort through the pieces of my life and find out what should stay and what should go.  


(I do floss by the way.)

To blog or not to blog

I know, it's been a long time.  

I've thought about this blog often, 

whether to write or not or just delete the entire thing.  

I struggle with the whole concept of blogging.  

There's the security concern.  

How to write openly and transparently and still be smart about your privacy.  

Then there's the issue of how much do people really need to hear anyway?  Seriously people, 

just because a thought ran through your mind 

doesn't mean the world needs to hear it.

  

I think there's a proverb for that.  

So many blogs out here with random people venting their random ideas.  

Just because it's online doesn't mean it's worth reading.

So, why keep this blog going?  

I feel like I have something I want to do with it, 

but it's just beyond my grasp.  

But I'm thinking I'll be back here soon.